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Name: Clarissa
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Birthday: 5/2/1991
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Friday, July 03, 2009

Julyyy

So I'm learning to change.  Now that I moved away from EJ it's less stressful, less miserable.  No misery at all here in fact.

That little incident a week or whenever ago with my leg was pointless.

Now it's okies.

I was green contact lenses, they're like $30.  I want green, I'm so over blue.

I think I want to make a peach pie too.  Mother spent like $10 on one earlier n it was crap compared to the cost and what I could make.  I just need the ingredients n I'll do that shit.

I'm not pissed off all the time now at least.  I mean I'm always craving to lay w EJ but once every week or whatever I guess can work, most ppl fuck that infrequently, right?

We don't fight as much either.

Chelle && Jared && Ryleigh just left a lil bit ago for VA but maybve FL they don't know where they'll end up lol.

Isaac cries at me n stresses me out more often, but it's still not as bad as before.

His schedule's better, too.  At least last night it was haha.  He went to bed at like 11:30 or somethin.

My knee's rly fucked up.  Idk what's wrong w it, I twisted it wrong tryna do some kinky shit.

Isaac's gonna be a year old in 5 days!




Thursday, February 21, 2008

A Couple Months Later


Haven't blogged in a while, I suppose maybe I should do a little bit of scribbling.  I cheated on EJ in January w Jeromy, which was totally not cool.  It broke us both in the end.  I hated Jeromy afterwards, the 2nd time, like with Rusty.  I realized I was in love with EJ and that I fucked up hxc.  He was leaving for a few days to go party in Panana and so he fucked me 11x n I still did it a few hours after he left.  I todl him not to worry, that even  if I'd wanted to I couldn't bc I was so sore, turns out, tiny penises don't hurt you at all.  So he got shitfaced to get back at me.  Came down here drunk as fuck, passed out on the bathroom floor, I practically had to drag him to the bed.  It took me until he was semi-sober to change his pukey shirt.  Whakkit came and fucked with him.  EJ proved to be the most bipolar thing I've seen in my life... He would be saying how he thought he was gonna die and cried and told me to hold him and not let him die n all that shit and then moments later talking about how he can't wait to die and how excited he'll be to be in a coffin in the ground dead n a bunch of other fucked up shit.  It was fucked up.  He still hasn't gotten over the Jeromy thing, 2 months later, he says he's forgiven me; But he hasn't forgiven me any more than I'vce forgiven Chris and Lisa about the past.  He always says he's gonna get revenge somehow someday.  Says he could fuck his shit up cuz he has his social security card n stuff.  Had his birth certificate, but gave it back.  Earlier he said soemthing about fighting him n how he doesn't care if his bones get broken or he dies bc that doesn't matter. I don't like it.  I think we should just fucking disapear.  Something..     I got a Prenatal Listening System, to hear the baby's heartbeat... I can record onto the comp, save files, make CDs, whatever... I dunno if there's a mic jack though.  I'll figure it out.  We're gonna listen to it together, EJ and I, every Friday, see how it gets stronger and louder n stuff.  In a few weeks I'll try to record it...     We're lookin at a house to buy.  Cuz the dude came by the other day and we were s'poised tyo be out of here over a month ago... But we're not... This is the place we're trying to get  But that's only if we get the highest bid... Rochelle would have the upstairs, minus on BR, I'd have a br downstairs and MaMa would have a fireplace in hers.  A special room for the flower shop, and a big yard for Pookie and Ryleigh to play in.  A room for a Jacuzzi.  2 bathrooms.  Ugly colors though.  My room's going to be pink and black vertical stripes with a black ceiling with pink sqaure dividers and pink handprints inside.  I want 6 inch thick stripes though, no more.  I can't do it though on account of I can't be near paitn fumes.     I'm so tired.  In feel listless.  Dead.  Living dead.  EJ's visiting his mother.  Rochelle Jared and Ryleigh went to the mall.  Mama's in her room, prolly about to fall asleep.  And what do I do?  I read.  I'm on my 5th book in a month.  3 Dean Koontz, 1 Joe Hill,  now Paulina Simmons, it's the thickest.  Couple inches.     It's hot in here and I've been sick the last couple weeks.  I'm getting the fuck outta this hot ass room.  I've been having heat flashes or the chills lately n I'm sick of being sick!  Time for my prenatal vitamin and to go lay down. ♥♥♥ The Rissa


Saturday, December 01, 2007

Things have calmed down

quite a bit I'd say.
After my spazzing out mode, I went upstairs n woke my mom up n talked calmly with her about why I was upset about the flower shop thing, but also how I understood why she made the purchase n thought it was a good thing to do, and it is if it succeeds.
Then I told her about when I was talking to Crystal last night n getting me all set up to live in the apartment building uptown where she does.  She said I have to wait till next month after xmas n shit.  The only reason I'd even agree to it would be because she's paying my security deposit stuffs.  Maybe my down payment, too?  I'm gonna be living off my social security check, which is $450.00.  But my mom's still paying my cell phone so w/e my bill is the month before, should be $80-$90, she'll subtract it when she cashes the check and give me the rest so that leaves me about $370, minus $260 for rent, which is $110 to live off.  Plus ya gotta figure in food costs, but I'm gonna get WIC, Medicaid, and foodstamps so I can afford the save the $100's leftovers every month to get my permit, my car fixed [in time], and a portable dvd player.  I could prolly get the dvd player for xmas though along w my ps2 cuz they're only like $30 at dollar general.  But if the flower shop thing works, she wants to sublet at mel's bakery uptown, then i'll have a job to save up for the car and the kid n everything and won't need the car to get there cuz it's like not even 100 yrds away lol.  But I don't even know if I'll get the apartment because I'm only 16 n stuffs but Crystal said to list her as a reference and explain everything n she might let me ya know.  The only problems I'd have is that there are no windows which isn't really that big of a deal I guess but w/e, a dude died there but I want a priest to come bless the house beforehand if I get the apartment, EJ will be right across the hall from me in his apt, annnnd if I do the application and get the apartment this month, I can't move in till next month n she might give it to somebody else, or the same thing if I was to wait until next month to do the application.  There's still an apt out back but it's $600/month or some shit that I can't afford to do.  Shit, if I had $600 to blow on rent I'd want EJ's old apartment, that shit was huge.  Oh, another big factor... Pookie.  Crystal said as far as dogs go she thinks as long as they're small and neutered it's ok to have 'em but she's not entirely sure, which I hope that is the case bc if not, I either have to get rid of him or find somewhere else or stay here andddd I don't want to do any of those things.  Right after my mommy told Rochelle, she came upstairs all fake as sin sweetypie act shit "hi baby sister, I made u french toast"  I didn't want it, the smell made me nauseated and I was busy taking nailpolish off for an hour.  She doesn't think I'll be able to do it and I'll be making Mom buy me shit n just living up there.  I mean yeah, I'm gonna do my laundry here probably, but that's it bc I'm gonna make it on my fucking own.


Amanda's coming over 2night n she's gonna do my nails french tip for me, bc I really suck at that shit haha.  She and Tara died their hair, and Justin 2, yesterday.  Tara did hers black and then did red highlights, which every1 knows u can't cover black dye to easily, but yeah so hers barely shows and I haven't seen Amanda's hair yet.  They sent me a pic of Justin, but it's like when I did Texas' it's kinda pink but u don't really notice the color difference at all.

Rochelle's going out tonight, so Mother's watcing Ryleigh.


I feel like I've been sleeping all day, but I only slept like 5 or 6 hours.  I woke up like 7 times though.  Tex woke me up 2 or 3 times but left shortly after and even left me some Newports haha.  Well, I feel like puking.  Goodbye!


niggerbitchprickassshit

K, so I'm super pissed off right now.  Amanda n Tara hugn out today, and just like last weekend, didn't come see me.  So that kinda pissed me off but w/e.
Fuckin Rochelle's been pissing me fof to no motherfucking end lately.  She's a fucking total cunt and then 10 minutes later acts like nothing hapenned and wants me to fucking do something for her, fuck that.  Dumb btich.  I fucking hate her.
She's almost 19 and won't move the fuck out.  And Mother doesn't want her to move out until she's fuckin ready.  Fuck 'em both.  I fucking hate it.  If she doesn't fuckin get her shit together or move out, I'll fuckin leave.  And if I do, I'm not fucking coming back, they can go fuck themselves.  No Ryleigh, u dont' have any aunts.  No Trish, u only have one daughter.
You wnat the truth bitches?
Ryleigh's kinda dumb.  She tried ccrawling down the stairs this morning, she almost ate a hydrocodone the other day, she got "stuck" between the chair and the keyboard yesterday and started crying, she barely hardly walks and even Kelly's baby walks and she's over a month younger.
Rochelle's a spoiled bitch.  Her and Mother go out shopping frequently and I get ntohing while they buy tons of shit for themselves.  I want to fucking set her mattress on fire while she sleeps and to smash everything in the fucking house with a baseball bat.  She just spent $50 on pictures, plus shopping today.  Mother spent $75 on a fucking poster that costs $40 plus $25 on a painting and then some other shit.  Ya wanna know what I got?  Cranberry juice and soda, which my fucking mother stole from me.  Slippers that fucking smelled funny.  nasty ass cereal, thast's pretty much it yeah.  Oh, and fake nails, whoop-dee-fucking-doo.  Fuck that.  Then when Pookie shits in Rochelle's room and chews her underwear I get bitched at when it's not his fault c they left the door open and they know if they do that he'll go in there and do that shit.
She fuckin bought a flower shop and didn't even fucking consult me.  That's fucked up, she took out a loan and did it and didn't even say shit until after the fact.  She still hasn't called the doctors to sort shit out so I can go get my prenatals n shit.
Tara just called me n I talked to her for a bit but then Crystal got on the phone n I was talking to her for a while.  She doesn't like Rochelle either cuz they got into a fight, Idk y but yeah, Rochelle said she's a welfare and poor and was talking shit n Crystal's not on welfare, they may not have a lot fo money but that's bc she's not living off her mother like Rochelle is.  She told me that if she was Josh she'd go into court and tell them about how he walked in on Ryleigh chewing on a shaving razor, which did happen.  She also said that I could stay with her if I needed to cuz I'm like her little sister, which is great cuz se's awesome ya know and it's a lot closer than Michigan... but they can't have dogs up there i,e,. Pookie and if I left him here, they'd replace him.  I wanna just fucking disappear for a week n not tell 'em I'm leaving or where I am n have ppl call here lookin for me n sayin they dunno where I am and how worried they are.  Then fuckin come home w a fake black eye ro something.  But I'm talking to Tara n I want a cigarette n tot ake Pookie outn so I'll rant more later.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

and now

K so lets go in order if we can, and if my phone doesn't die as i do this. i told ej i was done w him, tried goin after eric but ended up w gabe a week later n started fuckin the next day which isnt as slutty as it sounds cuz i lost my virginity to him n figured we would b 2gether a while. our 1 wk anniversary he dumped me. the next day he was goin out w star. hes spending the next wk w her n i hate it. i found out i was pregnant n its either his or ejs.  Ej hasnt been down here since i told him in person and gabes been here almost every day n he doesnt even think its his. fuckin chinzilla started up her bullshit again bc she has no social life n cant stay the fuck off my profile, so i called the cops on the dumb bitch. she or 1 of her lil buddies contacts me, she gets arrested. then u have tex get arrested on the 10th bc stephanies a dumb lying bitch that needs to get her ass whooped. which imma do if i c that bitch in town cuz she was goin around the school talkin shit sayin tex beat and raped her and that i was pregnant-bi i even took either test, n that when tex lived here he ate me out n we fucked n i was like wtf and then i saw notes she wrote eric callin me a slut so yeah her brothers a cop or not. lemme see that walking std ad campaign. anywho, i need to go to dr. burkes office between 4 n 5 to take 1 of their pregnancy tests so ej n bobby can stfu about me not bn pregnant n shit. anyways im fuckin cold n yeah. eric stayed here last and i fucked w him hxc haha cuz he told me y he doesnt like his leg bn rubbed n h kept doin it then he was like yeah ik thats all u want from me so i beat his ass, well i bruised the hell outta his arm n kneecap at least. then i went to bed n idk where he went then amanda n sean n gabe eric n tex all skipped school together and so i hung out w then earlier n then sean got grounded til new years n amanda, tex, me, gabe, n the kids went to the park. aaron called amanda a fat bitch so tex n gabe took off to go his house. before that tho, i went over to the playground to fuck w gabe and nate spit in my fuckin face assination style n i fuckin started crying after i yelled fucker n started walkin to the car. so amanda spit a big ass loogie in his face bc he knows aetter than to spit around ppl. but anyways next thing we know erics mom called us flippin shit cuz he promised no more bs at her house n that aaron called the cops n made it out like tex beat the hell out of him. so we drove around lookin 4 'em and wasted precious gas n then when we called erics mom 2 c wtf happened they were all there so we went down there to save his ass and told him bout the cops but i guess the deal w that was they unplugged the phone b4 aaron got through n shit but we took him anyways. then amanda brought me home n i made her a myxer account n sent her like 30 ringtones or whatever their daily limit is and i have like 150 ringtones now haha crazy i got my cell changed too n shit n im gonna go do laundry now <333
^^^That was the 19th^^^
and as a corrective note, EJ did come down last night and asked for a cigarette n I told him no n he left right after bc he's a user asshole.


Here's todays:
I woke up, pissed off, cuz Rochelle kicked me off the fucking couch.  So I slept in my mommy's bed n Eric was in mine.  The later he left and I woke up, boiling hot cuz the heater, shut it off n opened the window.  Then Amanda n Crystal called me to pick me up so I took a shower n stuffs then we went to Dr. Burke's office to take the pregnancy test but they wouldn't admit me for it bc something was terminated 10 years ago n my mom needs to sort that bullshit out so I can go there.  Then we went to Amandas' for a lil then we went to Quality to buy thanksgiving ingredients.  I went to buy soymilk n realized I lost my mom's card so I was tweaking shit lookin for it, called her n told her to call the bank to cancel it n shit then we found it in Amanda's car so she had to call the bank back n it was all peachy.  Then we went to the atm at Wilson Farms got $20 went to McDonalds and I bought a 9, a McFlurry w M&M n oreo in it, and a alrge chocolate milkshake haha $13.  First thing I ate all day n the first thing I had from there in over a year.  Then I gave Amanda $5 in gas n we went back to her house and chopped nuts for like 45 minutes to make Robert Redford cake.  Then we went n picked up Heidi in Ripley n I called Will n I was like bitch guess where I am haha.  He tried gettin me to come see him n I was like ummm no I'll pass thanks.  So then we stopped back at McDonalds so Amanda n Heidi could get some n I could get somethin to drink at Wilson Farms.  So I went there and they went to the driv-thru.  Well it took me forever to decide, but I got two strawberry kiwi SoBe Life waters, $3.  Then I was standing outside for like ever freezing in the pouring rain waiting for them.  Then they show up n we come back to Mayville.  They drop me off n Chelle told me that I had just missed Eric n so I was like well w/e.  Then when he called me later I was like wtf did ur brother say cuz earlier Tex called n said Aaron was talkin shit.  Well apparently I'm a fat fuckin soemthing bitch and that Eric punched him in the back for it, and for tripping him.  Then he came downstairs cuz I was like yeah whatever.  When I came down like 20 minutes later he was sitting on his ass watching tv, as usual.  He doesn't have tv so when he's here or Texs' he's obsessed with it I guess.
I broke up with Allie sort of through a text message earlier.
Told her we should just be friends till she gets back from modeling school.
My tummy hurts, I think I hafta poo but I don't want to.



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