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So a lot of shit has gone down lately. I moved out of Jackson because I couldn't take the bullshit anymore. I finally admitted to Heather and EJ about what happened with Ryan and what didn't. A week or two after moving out of there I met this kid named Eric. He's Sean's cousin and they were texting and showed me his picture and asked if I wanted to meet him. He was gorgeous so of course I agreed. The next day we went to WalMart and met up with him. So we're all wandering around Wallyworld, then Amanda made Eric hold Isaac which made me madd nervous. He was really good w him though. Well we were all looking at jewelry n shit and this guy walks up to us and was like u guys r crazy, I can't recall what it was we were doing though--I think I was beating up Sean. Well then he was like oh weren't u with EJ and I froze and I was like who the fuck're u?!?! Ya know, I thought it was Sean's friend or something but NOBODY knew who he was! Apparently he had seen my MySpace which freaked me out, and then he told me he was EJ's cousin and I was like EJ doesn't have any cousins up here... Then he said they used to be before the divorce. I told EJ and Sarah about that n neither one knows who the fuck that dude was... Well anyway, that night we come back, I had caught a buzz and then they kept asking us if we were going out n we were saying no. So then they were like do u like him do u like her and so they were like well then go out and I was like he didn't ask me. Then they got on his ass to ask and he didn't want to while I was drunk n not in the right state to make decisions so I pretended to be sober for 5 minutes and agreed. Then Sean pissed me off n his behind Amanda so I couldn't kill him and then told me if I kissed Eric whatever many times I could beat him up without him running away or defending himself. I agreed after a moment's hesitation and kissed the kid. Isaac was sleeping n we got crunk. I love Svedka && Soda haha. At some point in my wonderful buzz-induced mood swing I was talking to Amanda n Eric interrupted to say something to Sean and I guess I shoved him on the floor and punched him in the ribs and yelled at him not to interrupt my woman ever again... Yeah... bad... I remember the ribs and no interruption bit but barely. I'd forgotten till Manna reminded me. Well anywho, after a bit Amanda n Sean went to bed like wussies and then Eric and I pulled an all-nighter. Had sex a couple times and hung out. It lasted 3 weeks. In which time he made me fall in love with him and told me he loved me. Pathetic but possible... Another night we were at Wallyworld lookin at jewelry there was a ring that said DAD in ig letters n he said he was gonna but it n put it on his middle finger n punch EJ in the head n shit. A lie. One of the nights he was here Isaac was sick and puked like 4 times or some shit and wouldn't sleep unless he was with someone so I put him between us on the loveseat and i guess I rolled over like right after I fell asleep and Eric held him throughout the rest of the night. Then the rat bastard was cheating on me with Carley n told me he was grounded to the house! Ugh >.< Told her that he dumped me when I guess he did but only for 4 seconds n then took it back so it's stupid. He wanted some other bitch so he was gonna dump me, told me, then changed his mind n got mad anytime I brought it up. Well he told carley we were broken up, but my MySpace and MyYearbook were still saying we were together n shit. So she asked me n I told her we were n I got on his myyearbook n checked it all out and his myspace and then I called him n dumped him ove rhis mama's answering machine. So now I hate the pizza faced asshole. And his profile says he never cheated on me n I'm just tryna ruin his life n make him miserable. He did admit everything to Carley though eventually and now I guess is being an asshole to her. It's like the 11th time he's cheated on her I guess. He's a dirtbag. That's okay though, cuz I gots a secret, I cheated on him too! Now don't get me wrong, I didn't go fuck EJ. All I did was kiss him. So it's not even nearrr even but fuck it it's over. So then a few days after that EJ came back and was like I told u so and I was like fuck u. Then he wanted me back and then I took off to go camping w Sean, Amanda, Tara, Dustin n their friend Chris. Well that was the biggest mistake of my life. I ended up taking the Chris kid's virginity and he was all attached to me n shit and I was just like ugh get away but I didn't wanna be mean to him. He was really fat, which isn't my style, I hate fat boys. And I think he was autistic. He sucked on his ring finger and smelled it for like 2 hrs...and played with his boobs a lot.. and just pretty much grossed me out. Well EJ came back and he was pissed off at me and all that jazz but forgave me and then was being a dick to Chris which is fine w me cuz I didn't like him anyways. Thennnn the fucker stayed the night cuz he was stranded from getting arrested. Speaking of that.... first, flashback to WalMart, it's late at night and Bobbi needs pads... Me, Manna, Sean and her go to the store. As soon as we get in the feminine care aisle, Amanda throws a box of tampons at sean who in turns starts throwing pads. I got hit in the head w a case of 'em so I threw some back at him. Then he kicked one and the plastic split and pads spilled into the main aisle. Manna books it, employee sees it and freaks out. Then we go cash out n get in the jeep. Then the cops come. Officer was a bitch. She looked at Sean [I had just given him snakebites and Amanda one bite] and she was like you think u look cool with those in ur lip it makes me think ur a stupid punk or some shit like that. Then to Chris' arrest. We stayed the night down at the gorge, I had a big fat black marker in my purse and decided to graffiti the pavilion that was less than 2 yrs old. So then Amanda n Tara n Dustin do it, too. It got outta hand and was a big deal. Cops came cuz fuckers were partying the next night [I was at home] and fireworks n guns n shit, so they saw it and gave out tickets. They kept me out of it and saved me a $200 fine and court trip. Chris had no way to prove who he was n was from outta state so they booked him. Then the other 4 came n got me n we went n bleached it, Dustin n Sean took an hour to get the fucking water so we did it w straight bleach and had it all done before they got back. And the night I did stay down there with them, fuckin there was like wolves or some shit. Scary. Well I was talking to EJ at the end of the driveway n shti and chris was released and came to my fucking house. Like wtf I don't even know u rly and this is where u go. Well thats when EJ started tweakin. He wouldn't take Isaac, he left, came back w a knife and was being crazy. He called down. I agreed to let him have me and Chris wouldn't accept that. He kept tryna hold my hand n shit no matter how many times I told him no! I made his ass sleep on a tiny couch on the porch on a cold ass night and was a bitch all day before that annnnnd he STILL the next day was tryna hold my hand n shit. Well then he had to leave. And he did. Then he went about his deaf basketball scam and started makin money and I haven't heard from anyone since. I'm now back with EJ, mostly happy, he still throws tantrums though. He just moved in w his mom today. Her n Don came to town n picked him up n they got to see Isaac. Who btw started walking just a few short days after his birthday =] I skipped GED on Monday but at least I got my form done so I can take the actual test finally. I'm obsessed w Twilight now. I only started reading it to piss Eric off bc he said he wouldn't break up w me n he did n I said I wouldn't read the damn books so I did. I read the first 3 within 2 weeks and I've been waiting 2 days for Breaking Dawn. Mother's co-workers aren't givin it up yet dammit. I'll prolly finish it before Amanda. Then again I'll read for hours straight and she actually has a job n stuffs where she can't exactly do that. I like it. I bought a zippo-like lighter off ebay w Edward n Bella on it. I watched the trailers for Twilight and New Moon on MySpace earlier and they look like rly poor acting quality. And the dude that plays Edward--extremely unappealing. I'm startin to get madd tired now =[ Sucks, I'm always tired. | | |
| So I'm learning to change. Now that I moved away from EJ it's less stressful, less miserable. No misery at all here in fact. That little incident a week or whenever ago with my leg was pointless. Now it's okies. I was green contact lenses, they're like $30. I want green, I'm so over blue. I think I want to make a peach pie too. Mother spent like $10 on one earlier n it was crap compared to the cost and what I could make. I just need the ingredients n I'll do that shit. I'm not pissed off all the time now at least. I mean I'm always craving to lay w EJ but once every week or whatever I guess can work, most ppl fuck that infrequently, right? We don't fight as much either. Chelle && Jared && Ryleigh just left a lil bit ago for VA but maybve FL they don't know where they'll end up lol. Isaac cries at me n stresses me out more often, but it's still not as bad as before. His schedule's better, too. At least last night it was haha. He went to bed at like 11:30 or somethin. My knee's rly fucked up. Idk what's wrong w it, I twisted it wrong tryna do some kinky shit. Isaac's gonna be a year old in 5 days!
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Haven't blogged in a while, I suppose maybe I should do a little bit of
scribbling. I cheated on EJ in January w Jeromy, which was totally not
cool. It broke us both in the end. I hated Jeromy afterwards, the 2nd
time, like with Rusty. I realized I was in love with EJ and that I
fucked up hxc. He was leaving for a few days to go party in Panana and
so he fucked me 11x n I still did it a few hours after he left. I todl
him not to worry, that even if I'd wanted to I couldn't bc I was so
sore, turns out, tiny penises don't hurt you at all. So he got
shitfaced to get back at me. Came down here drunk as fuck, passed out
on the bathroom floor, I practically had to drag him to the bed. It
took me until he was semi-sober to change his pukey shirt. Whakkit
came and fucked with him. EJ proved to be the most bipolar thing I've
seen in my life... He would be saying how he thought he was gonna die
and cried and told me to hold him and not let him die n all that shit
and then moments later talking about how he can't wait to die and how
excited he'll be to be in a coffin in the ground dead n a bunch of
other fucked up shit. It was fucked up. He still hasn't gotten over
the Jeromy thing, 2 months later, he says he's forgiven me; But he
hasn't forgiven me any more than I'vce forgiven Chris and Lisa about
the past. He always says he's gonna get revenge somehow someday. Says
he could fuck his shit up cuz he has his social security card n stuff.
Had his birth certificate, but gave it back. Earlier he said soemthing
about fighting him n how he doesn't care if his bones get broken or he
dies bc that doesn't matter. I don't like it. I think we should just
fucking disapear. Something..
I got a Prenatal Listening System, to hear the baby's heartbeat...
I can record onto the comp, save files, make CDs, whatever... I dunno
if there's a mic jack though. I'll figure it out. We're gonna listen
to it together, EJ and I, every Friday, see how it gets stronger and
louder n stuff. In a few weeks I'll try to record it...
We're lookin at a house to buy. Cuz the dude came by the other day
and we were s'poised tyo be out of here over a month ago... But we're
not...
This
is the place we're trying to get But that's only if we get
the highest bid...
Rochelle would have the upstairs, minus on BR, I'd have a br downstairs
and MaMa would have a fireplace in hers. A special room for the flower
shop, and a big yard for Pookie and Ryleigh to play in. A room for a
Jacuzzi. 2 bathrooms. Ugly colors though. My room's going to be pink
and black vertical stripes with a black ceiling with pink sqaure
dividers and pink handprints inside. I want 6 inch thick stripes
though, no more. I can't do it though on account of I can't be near
paitn fumes.
I'm so tired. In feel listless. Dead. Living dead. EJ's
visiting his mother. Rochelle Jared and Ryleigh went to the mall.
Mama's in her room, prolly about to fall asleep. And what do I do? I
read. I'm on my 5th book in a month. 3 Dean Koontz, 1 Joe Hill, now
Paulina Simmons, it's the thickest. Couple inches.
It's hot in here and I've been sick the last couple weeks. I'm
getting the fuck outta this hot ass room. I've been having heat
flashes or the chills lately n I'm sick of being sick! Time for my
prenatal vitamin and to go lay down.
♥♥♥
The Rissa
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| quite a bit I'd say.
After my spazzing out mode, I went upstairs n woke my mom up n talked
calmly with her about why I was upset about the flower shop thing, but
also how I understood why she made the purchase n thought it was a good
thing to do, and it is if it succeeds.
Then I told her about when I was talking to Crystal last night n
getting me all set up to live in the apartment building uptown where
she does. She said I have to wait till next month after xmas n shit.
The only reason I'd even agree to it would be because she's paying my
security deposit stuffs. Maybe my down payment, too? I'm gonna be
living off my social security check, which is
$450.00. But my mom's still paying my cell phone so w/e my bill is the
month before, should be $80-$90, she'll subtract it when she cashes the
check and give me the rest so that leaves me about $370, minus $260 for
rent, which is $110 to live off. Plus ya gotta figure in food costs,
but I'm gonna get WIC, Medicaid, and foodstamps so I can afford the
save the $100's leftovers every month to get my permit, my car fixed
[in time],
and a portable dvd player. I could prolly get the dvd player for xmas
though along w my ps2 cuz they're only like $30 at dollar general. But
if the flower shop thing works, she wants to sublet at mel's bakery
uptown, then i'll have a job to save up for the car and the kid n
everything and won't need the car to get there cuz it's like not even
100 yrds away lol. But I don't even know if I'll get the apartment
because I'm only 16 n stuffs but Crystal said to list her as a
reference and explain everything n she might let me ya know. The only
problems I'd have is that there are no windows which isn't really that
big of a deal I guess but w/e, a dude died there but I want a priest to
come bless the house beforehand if I get the apartment, EJ will be
right across the hall from me in his apt, annnnd if I do the
application and get the apartment this month, I can't move in till next
month n she might give it to somebody else, or the same thing if I was
to wait until next month to do the application. There's still an apt
out back but it's $600/month or some shit that I can't afford to do.
Shit, if I had $600 to blow on rent I'd want EJ's old apartment, that
shit was huge. Oh, another big factor... Pookie. Crystal said as far
as dogs go she thinks as long as they're small and neutered it's ok to
have 'em but she's not entirely sure, which I hope that is the case bc
if not, I either have to get rid of him or find somewhere else or stay
here andddd I don't want to do any of those things. Right after my
mommy told Rochelle, she came upstairs all fake as sin sweetypie act
shit "hi baby sister, I made u french toast" I didn't want it, the
smell made me nauseated and I was busy taking nailpolish off for an
hour. She doesn't think I'll be able to do it and I'll be making Mom
buy me shit n just living up there. I mean yeah, I'm gonna do my
laundry here probably, but that's it bc I'm gonna make it on my fucking
own.
Amanda's coming over 2night n she's gonna do my nails french tip for
me, bc I really suck at that shit haha. She and Tara died their hair,
and Justin 2, yesterday. Tara did hers black and then did red
highlights, which every1 knows u can't cover black dye to easily, but
yeah so hers barely shows and I haven't seen Amanda's hair yet. They
sent me a pic of Justin, but it's like when I did Texas' it's kinda
pink but u don't really notice the color difference at all.
Rochelle's going out tonight, so Mother's watcing Ryleigh.
I feel like I've been sleeping all day, but I only slept like 5 or 6
hours. I woke up like 7 times though. Tex woke me up 2 or 3 times but
left shortly after and even left me some Newports haha. Well, I feel
like puking. Goodbye!
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| K, so I'm super pissed off right now. Amanda n Tara hugn out today,
and just like last weekend, didn't come see me. So that kinda pissed
me off but w/e.
Fuckin Rochelle's been pissing me fof to no motherfucking end lately.
She's a fucking total cunt and then 10 minutes later acts like nothing
hapenned and wants me to fucking do something for her, fuck that. Dumb
btich. I fucking hate her.
She's almost 19 and won't move the fuck out. And Mother doesn't want
her to move out until she's fuckin ready. Fuck 'em both. I fucking
hate it. If she doesn't fuckin get her shit together or move out, I'll
fuckin leave. And if I do, I'm not fucking coming back, they can go
fuck themselves. No Ryleigh, u dont' have any aunts. No Trish, u only
have one daughter.
You wnat the truth bitches?
Ryleigh's kinda dumb. She tried ccrawling down the stairs this
morning, she almost ate a hydrocodone the other day, she got "stuck"
between the chair and the keyboard yesterday and started crying, she
barely hardly walks and even Kelly's baby walks and she's over a month
younger.
Rochelle's a spoiled bitch. Her and Mother go out shopping frequently
and I get ntohing while they buy tons of shit for themselves. I want
to fucking set her mattress on fire while she sleeps and to smash
everything in the fucking house with a baseball bat. She just spent
$50 on pictures, plus shopping today. Mother spent $75 on a fucking
poster that costs $40 plus $25 on a painting and then some other shit.
Ya wanna know what I got? Cranberry juice and soda, which my fucking
mother stole from me. Slippers that fucking smelled funny. nasty ass
cereal, thast's pretty much it yeah. Oh, and fake nails,
whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Fuck that. Then when Pookie shits in
Rochelle's room and chews her underwear I get bitched at when it's not
his fault c they left the door open and they know if they do that he'll
go in there and do that shit.
She fuckin bought a flower shop and didn't even fucking consult me.
That's fucked up, she took out a loan and did it and didn't even say
shit until after the fact. She still hasn't called the doctors to sort
shit out so I can go get my prenatals n shit.
Tara just called me n I talked to her for a bit but then Crystal got on
the phone n I was talking to her for a while. She doesn't like
Rochelle either cuz they got into a fight, Idk y but yeah, Rochelle
said she's a welfare and poor and was talking shit n Crystal's not on
welfare, they may not have a lot fo money but that's bc she's not
living off her mother like Rochelle is. She told me that if she was
Josh she'd go into court and tell them about how he walked in on
Ryleigh chewing on a shaving razor, which did happen. She also said
that I could stay with her if I needed to cuz I'm like her little
sister, which is great cuz se's awesome ya know and it's a lot closer
than Michigan... but they can't have dogs up there i,e,. Pookie and if
I left him here, they'd replace him. I wanna just fucking disappear
for a week n not tell 'em I'm leaving or where I am n have ppl call
here lookin for me n sayin they dunno where I am and how worried they
are. Then fuckin come home w a fake black eye ro something. But I'm
talking to Tara n I want a cigarette n tot ake Pookie outn so I'll rant
more later.
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Blip Blop Gurgle Blop
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