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| JulyyySo I'm learning to change. Now that I moved away from EJ it's less stressful, less miserable. No misery at all here in fact. That little incident a week or whenever ago with my leg was pointless. Now it's okies. I was green contact lenses, they're like $30. I want green, I'm so over blue. I think I want to make a peach pie too. Mother spent like $10 on one earlier n it was crap compared to the cost and what I could make. I just need the ingredients n I'll do that shit. I'm not pissed off all the time now at least. I mean I'm always craving to lay w EJ but once every week or whatever I guess can work, most ppl fuck that infrequently, right? We don't fight as much either. Chelle && Jared && Ryleigh just left a lil bit ago for VA but maybve FL they don't know where they'll end up lol. Isaac cries at me n stresses me out more often, but it's still not as bad as before. His schedule's better, too. At least last night it was haha. He went to bed at like 11:30 or somethin. My knee's rly fucked up. Idk what's wrong w it, I twisted it wrong tryna do some kinky shit. Isaac's gonna be a year old in 5 days!
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| A Couple Months Later
Haven't blogged in a while, I suppose maybe I should do a little bit of
scribbling. I cheated on EJ in January w Jeromy, which was totally not
cool. It broke us both in the end. I hated Jeromy afterwards, the 2nd
time, like with Rusty. I realized I was in love with EJ and that I
fucked up hxc. He was leaving for a few days to go party in Panana and
so he fucked me 11x n I still did it a few hours after he left. I todl
him not to worry, that even if I'd wanted to I couldn't bc I was so
sore, turns out, tiny penises don't hurt you at all. So he got
shitfaced to get back at me. Came down here drunk as fuck, passed out
on the bathroom floor, I practically had to drag him to the bed. It
took me until he was semi-sober to change his pukey shirt. Whakkit
came and fucked with him. EJ proved to be the most bipolar thing I've
seen in my life... He would be saying how he thought he was gonna die
and cried and told me to hold him and not let him die n all that shit
and then moments later talking about how he can't wait to die and how
excited he'll be to be in a coffin in the ground dead n a bunch of
other fucked up shit. It was fucked up. He still hasn't gotten over
the Jeromy thing, 2 months later, he says he's forgiven me; But he
hasn't forgiven me any more than I'vce forgiven Chris and Lisa about
the past. He always says he's gonna get revenge somehow someday. Says
he could fuck his shit up cuz he has his social security card n stuff.
Had his birth certificate, but gave it back. Earlier he said soemthing
about fighting him n how he doesn't care if his bones get broken or he
dies bc that doesn't matter. I don't like it. I think we should just
fucking disapear. Something..
I got a Prenatal Listening System, to hear the baby's heartbeat...
I can record onto the comp, save files, make CDs, whatever... I dunno
if there's a mic jack though. I'll figure it out. We're gonna listen
to it together, EJ and I, every Friday, see how it gets stronger and
louder n stuff. In a few weeks I'll try to record it...
We're lookin at a house to buy. Cuz the dude came by the other day
and we were s'poised tyo be out of here over a month ago... But we're
not...
This
is the place we're trying to get But that's only if we get
the highest bid...
Rochelle would have the upstairs, minus on BR, I'd have a br downstairs
and MaMa would have a fireplace in hers. A special room for the flower
shop, and a big yard for Pookie and Ryleigh to play in. A room for a
Jacuzzi. 2 bathrooms. Ugly colors though. My room's going to be pink
and black vertical stripes with a black ceiling with pink sqaure
dividers and pink handprints inside. I want 6 inch thick stripes
though, no more. I can't do it though on account of I can't be near
paitn fumes.
I'm so tired. In feel listless. Dead. Living dead. EJ's
visiting his mother. Rochelle Jared and Ryleigh went to the mall.
Mama's in her room, prolly about to fall asleep. And what do I do? I
read. I'm on my 5th book in a month. 3 Dean Koontz, 1 Joe Hill, now
Paulina Simmons, it's the thickest. Couple inches.
It's hot in here and I've been sick the last couple weeks. I'm
getting the fuck outta this hot ass room. I've been having heat
flashes or the chills lately n I'm sick of being sick! Time for my
prenatal vitamin and to go lay down.
♥♥♥
The Rissa
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| Things have calmed downquite a bit I'd say.
After my spazzing out mode, I went upstairs n woke my mom up n talked
calmly with her about why I was upset about the flower shop thing, but
also how I understood why she made the purchase n thought it was a good
thing to do, and it is if it succeeds.
Then I told her about when I was talking to Crystal last night n
getting me all set up to live in the apartment building uptown where
she does. She said I have to wait till next month after xmas n shit.
The only reason I'd even agree to it would be because she's paying my
security deposit stuffs. Maybe my down payment, too? I'm gonna be
living off my social security check, which is
$450.00. But my mom's still paying my cell phone so w/e my bill is the
month before, should be $80-$90, she'll subtract it when she cashes the
check and give me the rest so that leaves me about $370, minus $260 for
rent, which is $110 to live off. Plus ya gotta figure in food costs,
but I'm gonna get WIC, Medicaid, and foodstamps so I can afford the
save the $100's leftovers every month to get my permit, my car fixed
[in time],
and a portable dvd player. I could prolly get the dvd player for xmas
though along w my ps2 cuz they're only like $30 at dollar general. But
if the flower shop thing works, she wants to sublet at mel's bakery
uptown, then i'll have a job to save up for the car and the kid n
everything and won't need the car to get there cuz it's like not even
100 yrds away lol. But I don't even know if I'll get the apartment
because I'm only 16 n stuffs but Crystal said to list her as a
reference and explain everything n she might let me ya know. The only
problems I'd have is that there are no windows which isn't really that
big of a deal I guess but w/e, a dude died there but I want a priest to
come bless the house beforehand if I get the apartment, EJ will be
right across the hall from me in his apt, annnnd if I do the
application and get the apartment this month, I can't move in till next
month n she might give it to somebody else, or the same thing if I was
to wait until next month to do the application. There's still an apt
out back but it's $600/month or some shit that I can't afford to do.
Shit, if I had $600 to blow on rent I'd want EJ's old apartment, that
shit was huge. Oh, another big factor... Pookie. Crystal said as far
as dogs go she thinks as long as they're small and neutered it's ok to
have 'em but she's not entirely sure, which I hope that is the case bc
if not, I either have to get rid of him or find somewhere else or stay
here andddd I don't want to do any of those things. Right after my
mommy told Rochelle, she came upstairs all fake as sin sweetypie act
shit "hi baby sister, I made u french toast" I didn't want it, the
smell made me nauseated and I was busy taking nailpolish off for an
hour. She doesn't think I'll be able to do it and I'll be making Mom
buy me shit n just living up there. I mean yeah, I'm gonna do my
laundry here probably, but that's it bc I'm gonna make it on my fucking
own.
Amanda's coming over 2night n she's gonna do my nails french tip for
me, bc I really suck at that shit haha. She and Tara died their hair,
and Justin 2, yesterday. Tara did hers black and then did red
highlights, which every1 knows u can't cover black dye to easily, but
yeah so hers barely shows and I haven't seen Amanda's hair yet. They
sent me a pic of Justin, but it's like when I did Texas' it's kinda
pink but u don't really notice the color difference at all.
Rochelle's going out tonight, so Mother's watcing Ryleigh.
I feel like I've been sleeping all day, but I only slept like 5 or 6
hours. I woke up like 7 times though. Tex woke me up 2 or 3 times but
left shortly after and even left me some Newports haha. Well, I feel
like puking. Goodbye!
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| niggerbitchprickassshitK, so I'm super pissed off right now. Amanda n Tara hugn out today,
and just like last weekend, didn't come see me. So that kinda pissed
me off but w/e.
Fuckin Rochelle's been pissing me fof to no motherfucking end lately.
She's a fucking total cunt and then 10 minutes later acts like nothing
hapenned and wants me to fucking do something for her, fuck that. Dumb
btich. I fucking hate her.
She's almost 19 and won't move the fuck out. And Mother doesn't want
her to move out until she's fuckin ready. Fuck 'em both. I fucking
hate it. If she doesn't fuckin get her shit together or move out, I'll
fuckin leave. And if I do, I'm not fucking coming back, they can go
fuck themselves. No Ryleigh, u dont' have any aunts. No Trish, u only
have one daughter.
You wnat the truth bitches?
Ryleigh's kinda dumb. She tried ccrawling down the stairs this
morning, she almost ate a hydrocodone the other day, she got "stuck"
between the chair and the keyboard yesterday and started crying, she
barely hardly walks and even Kelly's baby walks and she's over a month
younger.
Rochelle's a spoiled bitch. Her and Mother go out shopping frequently
and I get ntohing while they buy tons of shit for themselves. I want
to fucking set her mattress on fire while she sleeps and to smash
everything in the fucking house with a baseball bat. She just spent
$50 on pictures, plus shopping today. Mother spent $75 on a fucking
poster that costs $40 plus $25 on a painting and then some other shit.
Ya wanna know what I got? Cranberry juice and soda, which my fucking
mother stole from me. Slippers that fucking smelled funny. nasty ass
cereal, thast's pretty much it yeah. Oh, and fake nails,
whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Fuck that. Then when Pookie shits in
Rochelle's room and chews her underwear I get bitched at when it's not
his fault c they left the door open and they know if they do that he'll
go in there and do that shit.
She fuckin bought a flower shop and didn't even fucking consult me.
That's fucked up, she took out a loan and did it and didn't even say
shit until after the fact. She still hasn't called the doctors to sort
shit out so I can go get my prenatals n shit.
Tara just called me n I talked to her for a bit but then Crystal got on
the phone n I was talking to her for a while. She doesn't like
Rochelle either cuz they got into a fight, Idk y but yeah, Rochelle
said she's a welfare and poor and was talking shit n Crystal's not on
welfare, they may not have a lot fo money but that's bc she's not
living off her mother like Rochelle is. She told me that if she was
Josh she'd go into court and tell them about how he walked in on
Ryleigh chewing on a shaving razor, which did happen. She also said
that I could stay with her if I needed to cuz I'm like her little
sister, which is great cuz se's awesome ya know and it's a lot closer
than Michigan... but they can't have dogs up there i,e,. Pookie and if
I left him here, they'd replace him. I wanna just fucking disappear
for a week n not tell 'em I'm leaving or where I am n have ppl call
here lookin for me n sayin they dunno where I am and how worried they
are. Then fuckin come home w a fake black eye ro something. But I'm
talking to Tara n I want a cigarette n tot ake Pookie outn so I'll rant
more later.
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| and nowK so lets go in order if we can, and if my phone doesn't die as i do
this. i told ej i was done w him, tried goin after eric but ended up w
gabe a week later n started fuckin the next day which isnt as slutty as
it sounds cuz i lost my virginity to him n figured we would b 2gether a
while. our 1 wk anniversary he dumped me. the next day he was goin out
w star. hes spending the next wk w her n i hate it. i found out i was
pregnant n its either his or ejs. Ej hasnt been down here since i told him in person and gabes been here
almost every day n he doesnt even think its his. fuckin chinzilla
started up her bullshit again bc she has no social life n cant stay the
fuck off my profile, so i called the cops on the dumb bitch. she or 1
of her lil buddies contacts me, she gets arrested. then u have tex get
arrested on the 10th bc stephanies a dumb lying bitch that needs to get
her ass whooped. which imma do if i c that bitch in town cuz she was
goin around the school talkin
shit sayin tex beat and raped her and that i was pregnant-bi i even
took either test, n that when tex lived here he ate me out n we fucked
n i was like wtf and then i saw notes she wrote eric callin me a slut
so yeah her brothers a cop or not. lemme see that walking std ad
campaign. anywho, i need to go to dr. burkes office between 4 n 5 to
take 1 of their pregnancy tests so ej n bobby can stfu about me not bn
pregnant n shit. anyways im fuckin cold n yeah. eric stayed here last and i fucked w him hxc haha cuz he told me y he doesnt like his leg bn
rubbed n h kept doin it then he was like yeah ik thats all u want from
me so i beat his ass, well i bruised the hell outta his arm n kneecap
at least. then i went to bed n idk where he went then amanda n sean n
gabe eric n tex all skipped school together and so i hung out w then
earlier n then sean got grounded til new years n amanda, tex, me, gabe,
n the kids went to the park. aaron called amanda a fat bitch so tex n
gabe took off to go his house. before that tho, i went over to the playground to fuck w
gabe and nate spit in my fuckin face assination style n i fuckin
started crying after i yelled fucker n started walkin to the car. so
amanda spit a big ass loogie in his face bc he knows aetter than to
spit around ppl. but anyways next thing we know erics mom called us
flippin shit cuz he promised no more bs at her house n that aaron
called the cops n made it out like tex beat the hell out of him. so we
drove around lookin 4 'em and wasted precious gas n then when we called erics mom 2 c wtf happened
they were all there so we went down there to save his ass and told him
bout the cops but i guess the deal w that was they unplugged the phone
b4 aaron got through n shit but we took him anyways. then amanda
brought me home n i made her a myxer account n sent her like 30
ringtones or whatever their daily limit is and i have like 150
ringtones now haha crazy i got my cell changed too n shit n im gonna go
do laundry now <333
^^^That was the 19th^^^
and as a corrective note, EJ did come down last night and asked for a cigarette n I told him no n he left right after bc he's a user asshole.
Here's todays:
I woke up, pissed off, cuz Rochelle kicked me off the fucking couch.
So I slept in my mommy's bed n Eric was in mine. The later he left and
I woke up, boiling hot cuz the heater, shut it off n opened the
window. Then Amanda n Crystal called me to pick me up so I took a
shower n stuffs then we went to Dr. Burke's office to take the
pregnancy test but they wouldn't admit me for it bc something was
terminated 10 years ago n my mom needs to sort that bullshit out so I
can go there. Then we went to Amandas' for a lil then we went to
Quality to buy thanksgiving ingredients. I went to buy soymilk n
realized I lost my mom's card so I was tweaking shit lookin for it,
called her n told her to call the bank to cancel it n shit then we
found it in Amanda's car so she had to call the bank back n it was all
peachy. Then we went to the atm at Wilson Farms got $20 went to
McDonalds and I bought a 9, a McFlurry w M&M n oreo in it, and a
alrge chocolate milkshake haha $13. First thing I ate all day n the
first thing I had from there in over a year. Then I gave Amanda $5 in
gas n we went back to her house and chopped nuts for like 45 minutes to
make Robert Redford cake. Then we went n picked up Heidi in Ripley n I
called Will n I was like bitch guess where I am haha. He tried gettin
me to come see him n I was like ummm no I'll pass thanks. So then we
stopped back at McDonalds so Amanda n Heidi could get some n I could
get somethin to drink at Wilson Farms. So I went there and they went
to the driv-thru. Well it took me forever to decide, but I got two
strawberry kiwi SoBe Life waters, $3. Then I was standing outside for
like ever freezing in the pouring rain waiting for them. Then they
show up n we come back to Mayville. They drop me off n Chelle told me
that I had just missed Eric n so I was like well w/e. Then when he
called me later I was like wtf did ur brother say cuz earlier Tex
called n said Aaron was talkin shit. Well apparently I'm a fat fuckin
soemthing bitch and that Eric punched him in the back for it, and for
tripping him. Then he came downstairs cuz I was like yeah whatever.
When I came down like 20 minutes later he was sitting on his ass
watching tv, as usual. He doesn't have tv so when he's here or Texs'
he's obsessed with it I guess.
I broke up with Allie sort of through a text message earlier.
Told her we should just be friends till she gets back from modeling school.
My tummy hurts, I think I hafta poo but I don't want to.
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Blip Blop Gurgle Blop
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